Misguided Disguise

‘This is garbage’ I said to myself as I ripped and threw away another page of my desire or delusion There’s no knowing All I know is that my pages are running thin

Rain clouds gather I await a downpour The first drop hits the ground, with purpose The next ones simply follow suit, with just haste I see people run about frantically And seek refuge wherever possible The cars, with their wipers working overtime crunch along just fine, hot and unbothered, leaving the refugees jealous and yearning Me I’m already drenched thoroughly from head to toe I can walk home with no care It's thrashing louder and louder now trying to evoke an apocalyptic fear But it makes no difference to me The rain has played its cards too soon and now is lashing out in a fit of child like rage screaming and desperate and giving it all, All for nothing I walked on, feeling like God

I saw a kitten playing by on the street- ducked under a car, prowled, stalked and pounced on some nothing, then bounced and rolled, cotton fur glistening with gold and white stripes Jolting around in his own little world, in all his element An absolute treat to look at Fast cars, maniacs, maniacs in fast cars, general nut jobs, bigger meaner cats and dogs A million things could go wrong I turned my head away and hastened home My safe safe place For I do no harm, I hear no harm, I see no harm

She glows like hot embers even at sub-zero temperatures when all around me is a freezing wasteland when the frost is out to dig its fangs deep inside my bones she radiates a warmth so mellow and toasty with a nonchalance that just doesn’t belong of this world

Fighting Skin's come off clean Bones exposed Winds scour them Pain so raw and cold all over And it's only round zero I'm ready for more I'm sure I'll be ground to a pulp It doesn't matter, I will still go on I have a heart that's too proud to stop But, remind me why, and what am I fighting again?

Music filled early mornings Cats that purr for me Cups and cups of coffee that just hit right Cold weather, warm blankets Dogs that smile at my sight Highways, night skies Blue skies that remind me that everything, in fact, is alright Books that overwhelm at first, that the world is too big, then comfort with the very same thought Rare moments of meditative laziness Love that isn't too concerned about itself People when they aren't out for blood Life IS good, I can see I'm just too thick headed to agree

The music will blare The alarm clock will sing The cold winds will sting The body will decide to keep on trembling The mind will get twisted into a knot Helplessness is the norm and it’s just another day But underneath all of this well beyond any of this Something crude and real exists You know it and you are scared of it the most

Don't leave it to your luck Don't leave it to your time Don't leave it to your birth Don't leave it to your chances Don't leave it to your choices Don't leave it to the places The suffering is endless the pain, constant We are all in this together