Misguided Disguise

whole body is on fire but not a single pair of lips to cool me down like a dog that's forgotten its buried bone sniffing and searching searching and sniffing for a bone that never was slightly less ridiculous than the time when it chased its own tail an army of people marching the streets daily with heavy steps drowning my hiccups the cure is the answer to a question I'm still trying to get out as words

‘This is garbage’ I said to myself as I ripped and threw away another page of my desire or delusion There’s no knowing All I know is that my pages are running thin

Rain clouds gather I await a downpour The first drop hits the ground, with purpose The next ones simply follow suit, with just haste I see people run about frantically And seek refuge wherever possible The cars, with their wipers working overtime crunch along just fine, hot and unbothered, leaving the refugees jealous and yearning Me I’m already drenched thoroughly from head to toe I can walk home with no care It's thrashing louder and louder now trying to evoke an apocalyptic fear But it makes no difference to me The rain has played its cards too soon and now is lashing out in a fit of child like rage screaming and desperate and giving it all, All for nothing I walked on, feeling like God

I saw a kitten playing by on the street- ducked under a car, prowled, stalked and pounced on some nothing, then bounced and rolled, cotton fur glistening with gold and white stripes Jolting around in his own little world, in all his element An absolute treat to look at Fast cars, maniacs, maniacs in fast cars, general nut jobs, bigger meaner cats and dogs A million things could go wrong I turned my head away and hastened home My safe safe place For I do no harm, I hear no harm, I see no harm

She glows like hot embers even at sub-zero temperatures when all around me is a freezing wasteland when the frost is out to dig its fangs deep inside my bones she radiates a warmth so mellow and toasty with a nonchalance that just doesn’t belong of this world

Fighting Skin's come off clean Bones exposed Winds scour them Pain so raw and cold all over And it's only round zero I'm ready for more I'm sure I'll be ground to a pulp It doesn't matter, I will still go on I have a heart that's too proud to stop But, remind me why, and what am I fighting again?

Music filled early mornings Cats that purr for me Cups and cups of coffee that just hit right Cold weather, warm blankets Dogs that smile at my sight Highways, night skies Blue skies that remind me that everything, in fact, is alright Books that overwhelm at first, that the world is too big, then comfort with the very same thought Rare moments of meditative laziness Love that isn't too concerned about itself People when they aren't out for blood Life IS good, I can see I'm just too thick headed to agree

The music will blare The alarm clock will sing The cold winds will sting The body will decide to keep on trembling The mind will get twisted into a knot Helplessness is the norm and it’s just another day But underneath all of this well beyond any of this Something crude and real exists You know it and you are scared of it the most

Don't leave it to your luck Don't leave it to your time Don't leave it to your birth Don't leave it to your chances Don't leave it to your choices Don't leave it to the places The suffering is endless the pain, constant We are all in this together

No time like now to fully dwell and submerge in the void that engulfs us all Forever in the warmth of this emptiness Mindful Forged with it as one Let's sail the endless merciless seas Unforgiving is its nature Oblivious to it will be ours

I got bored and imagined it would be fun if I can shrink and be the size of an ant and dive into my fish tank to swim under water and navigate through the aqua plants as a miniature man While my original self could watch from outside as I glided about aimlessly inside But then I'd surely see myself getting ripped into shreds by the fish tank fishes from all sides and there ended this useless exercise I don't understand this existence

I do not intend to spend my lifetime staring at white noise spitting screens nor do I intend to speak so eloquently and caringly about things that aren’t my concerns No, it is not my intention to toil away chasing symbolic victories, vague by definition, useless even for the tenacious, for they are non-existent by design Would be equally unwise to assume, that I do intend, to deliberately misunderstand time and love to complain that it’s either too fast or too late,  when I know it always moves at the same rate I will vehemently deny if you accuse me of intending to be locked up inside my own mind,  keys thrown far away and all, and cry a mighty injustice through the bars and the walls I am not intentionally being the old dog that will not learn new tricks, stubborn to the realities raining on down like a ton of bricks Do not presume that it is intentional, watching me nonchalantly transform into a husk of my former high and haughty self I still won’t accept it is intentional, that I’m

I hold on to her tight whenever possible For she holds the only remnants of my youth

I saw a cat lying on the street her hindlegs crushed to a pulp already given up on any hope to live Road accident had met her aiming for a roadkill soon after I tried to make sense of the mess Took her upon my arms Not much resistance, not much life Rushed off to rescue her, and I did, somehow, with a help of an expert vet She is back now, sans the mangled legs I then took her home and gave it Took care Gave love, then some more and saved her My epitaph shall read: "Or did I?"

பாதுகாப்பான ஒரு போர்வை அதன் உள்ளே ஒழுகி ஊத்தும் வியர்வை வெளியே குளிர் வாட்டுமாம், அங்குள்ள எல்லாமே தீட்டாம் இருக்கட்டும் பரவாயில்லை ஆசைப்பட்டு உள்ளேயே வெந்து நொந்து வாழும் ஒரு வாழ்க்கை அது புரிகிறது ஆனால், வெளியே போகும் ஒரு வழிப்போக்கனை க்  கண்டாலும் கொதிக்கும் எண்ணெ ய் யில் பொ ரி க்கப்போட்ட கோழியாய் கொப்பளிக்க வேண்டிய அந்தத் தேவை அது புரிபடவில்லை

Something clicks inside the machinery and it starts at once It coughs and splutters and whirs and moans beating against itself But seems to go on Am I to figure out what ticked it off, and then why that’s a tick off Or Grease and pray to smoothen the run?

It was ungodly early in the morning I was laying like a starfish on my bed With the depth of sleep I was in, I might very well be taken for dead It felt like a warm wonder paradise the sinking sucking cushy bed the much needed weight of the thick blanket and the cat, the fuzzy little menace, deciding to purr and be my lazy accomplice It was the perfect retreat Then the alarm clock took off to blare and the walls of the room started to close in This is it I beg only for a few more minutes for I don’t care much for life hereafter

Sleepy when everyone’s running their race No more room no more space to even save face Sleepy in the day sleepy in the night Can’t fight Can’t write I’m beat Just want to coil around like a snake and left alone to sleep Until the boots of adversity can stomp me back to a life

Feeding off of my addictions Is it still symbiotic if they are scavenging off of me?

Turning and tossing and tumbling in my bed It’s well past 2 and I’ve lost track of how many hours I’ve been whacking my head It’s starting to crack at the seams and should soon explode He’s zooming through the room Barraging through my stuff with a thorough intent to destroy it all overnight Raising exactly the kind of hell a jittery cat in a clumsy apartment should sound like I wish he’d stop Not that it’d make any difference, but still He does this When he hasn’t done anything worthwhile during the day missed his chance to tear off some songbird into pieces, maybe or just didn’t get any lay I assume We are not all that different My midnight agitations are confined to the boundaries of my bed, his is not

I'm never good at articulating my thoughts, much less putting it out on a paper Guess I can never be a writer But I can go and write and try and be a poet Who's going to tell the difference?